I'm Here
by RueRoyale
The lights from the glowing city beneath made shadows in the nighttime room. Ghostly and ubiquitous, objects were not clearly defined, but their bulk, silhouetted against the moonlike light of the city, and casting darker shadows upon the floor, created blocks in Riki's navigation of the room. But at last he reached the panes of glass, going from floor to ceiling, the best view in Tanagura, he knew. Pressing his warm hand to the chill glass, he leaned forward, and gradually rested his forehead on the window. His breath made a cloud before him, obscuring the brilliance of the urban lights, and he closed his eyes.
He had come to a juncture in his life, he realized, though Riki might deceive himself into thinking that nothing had changed, but he knew that something had. Long before Iason showed up at his apartment, demanding his reentry into Eos, his life had already belonged to Iason. How could he say that it had not? Iason brushed beneath his eyelids every time he closed his eyes, and entered into his dreams when he tried to sleep. Iason was in every mirror, every shopfront he had looked into, eyes shimmering with knowledge, fearful knowledge. And whenever Riki spoke with someone, even when he looked at someone, Iason's image and voice would dance before the reality, and Riki would suffer the gnawing pang of unidentifiable emotion.
He had tried -oh how he had tried!- to forget. But he thought he understood it all now.
His position now was not a defeat. As much as he tried to pretend, he could not deny what was so evident. Indeed if he chose to see it in the analogy of a battle, which he didn't, it would be best described as a Pyrrhic forfeit. His existence had all been led to this, yes, the fate he had been trying to escape for so long! This was a culmination. It was the culmination of all his life.
The truth of the matter was he could not approach the subject when he was still in Ceres. He was too drunk, too filled up with a false sense of well-being, still too naive about his real nature. He refused to think about the reality of it. He could not admit that he really wanted someone to hold him at night. Even up till the very end, he was fighting back with all his strength against truth. But truth can not be defeated. Truth was truth, Riki knew now.
But back here, in the voluptuous confinement of the Eos tower, he could see. His vision was crystal clear now. He had wanted Iason, but had not the true strength of mind and heart to ask for what he wanted. He denied himself for so long, thinking it was in his best interest, while really it was disintegrating him. He had not been courageous. He had not been true. But Iason had.
Iason had come to him. And Iason was not his enemy! If anything Iason was the bringer of light, illuminating the dark secrets Riki thought had been buried long ago. Iason helped him see himself.
Even now the thought was foreign to Riki, so recent was its formation in his conscious mind. Riki understood a few more things about himself and Iason now that he had not known before, and even sometimes thought Iason didn't know. Riki was not fighting against Iason in those years since he was the brash young mongrel of 17. He had simply been fighting against truth.
Iason did not hold power over him, even if he might think he did. Riki held power over himself, and if he chose to use that power to suppress his identity, he could do that. If he chose to leave Tanagura, there were plenty of opportunities. But Riki could not do that now. He must be who he was, he remembered. It had been his mantra in Ceres four years ago. He was still the same person, at his core. That was why Iason loved him.
This last thought came to Riki unbidden, and he blinked open his eyes suddenly.
He still could not see the city clearly. His heated breath had made a large haze over the area of glass where his head had been. He brushed away the condensation with the hand on the glass. The city sprawled out in front of him. Riki sighed, haze momentarily returning onto the window.
But that thought too was true. And now, of course, the other inevitable question, the counterpart to the first statement. And Riki did not want to think about it. He knew that here, within these paradoxically liberating walls, what was real could not be hidden for long. But let it wait just a little bit longer before stepping out, allow some more time! He wanted time to prepare, just a little more so he didn't have to step out onto thin air on shaking legs.
Lifting his hand from the glass, and taking a parting look over his shoulder at the world outside, he turned around.
Riki jumped a little. Iason was standing in the room. He was not standing directly in front of Riki. He was not close to Riki at all. He was off to one side, standing as motionless as a statue. The expression on his face was unreadable, and Riki searched himself for what he did wrong.
But Iason spoke: "What are you thinking?" It was not in a cold voice that he spoke this, and as he did he came into motion, almost supernaturally, like a statue taking life. Walking over to where Riki stood he reached out and brushed Riki's face, then plunged his fingers into Riki's coarse hair.
"It's nothing, Iason." Riki replied. He really didn't want to talk about it.
"Alright, then," Iason said. He would not push.
But Riki, suddenly, unreasonably, pushed himself into Iason's chest, and his arms went around Iason's broad back. Not a little surprised, Iason uttered a soft grunt.
"I'm afraid," Riki uttered, not knowing what possessed him to do what he just did.
As Iason regained himself, his expression softened, unseen by Riki, and he embraced him back. He said, stroking Riki's hair, "I'm here."
It shouldn't have been as soothing as it was, those simple words shouldn't have made such a difference, but they did nonetheless. Riki relaxed himself in Iason's arms and allowed himself to be supported back to the bed, where he slept a dreamful sleep in Iason's embrace.
The next days Iason was at home. Candidly, when asked, Iason had told Riki it was because he wanted to spend time with him, at which Riki was taken aback, and then drew distant.
Iason let him draw away for a moment, but had him close most of the day, either in bed or elsewhere. He somehow presciently knew that this peace would not last long, and wanting to make it enough, he spent as much of the time as he could making sure Riki was in the most exquisite ecstasy.
They spent hours in bed, holding each other or making love or kissing, in which case each kiss would draw on the last kiss, such that it could be considered many kisses or one prolonged one. Riki was left pleasantly numb after each session, eyes drifting slowly shut, but not wanting to fall asleep. But sleep he did, a lot of the time, and each time he awoke in those strong arms, with Iason's light blonde hair resting over his body, a tiny smile stole its way onto his face, and while at first he tried to suppress it, he gradually forgot to, and it made itself known to Iason.
"What are you smiling at?" Iason asked Riki once when he woke.
"What smile?" Riki said, stretching his arms out, yawning into the pillows, not entirely awake yet.
"The smile you had just a moment ago," Iason replied, tugging Riki's arms to his sides and pulling him easily onto his chest.
Riki sat up against Iason's chest, mildy confused. "Was I smiling? Really?"
"Yes," Iason affirmed as he looked to Riki, whose expression now was one of pensiveness.
Riki did not speak for a while, thinking sketchily about his smile, lips twitching to try it out again. Smiles, he knew, were not easy to come by for him. They were a rare occurrence, and only at the most special of occasions. At last he turned back to Iason, who had been watching him, and said, "I smile because I'm happy."
Iason, who did not know what he had been expecting as an answer, but of all things definitely not that, did not say anything. Instead, he drew Riki into his arms and collapsed them back into the pillows, kissing Riki's face and hair. Perhaps, Iason dared think, that this was what he had been waiting for? Perhaps this moment, precisely this moment, was the moment when Riki would finally be his? He did not know, but if this be paradise, Iason would have gladly entered.
Riki himself allowed his senses to drift away. Important questions can come later. Not now. For now this was where he was, right here, and he did not have to think about those other things.
Iason was kissing him. They were still naked, and when Iason slipped a leg between Riki's own, Riki allowed it, and even spread his legs more. At this Iason plunged his tongue even more deeply in Riki's mouth, if possible, and Riki moaned.
They tumbled together in the soft sheets, and when Iason took hold of Riki's already engorged organ, Riki lifted his hips in entreaty. Softly stroking with one hand, Iason reached onto the nightstand with the other and took hold of the vial of lubrication. He no longer took Riki without it. He hadn't in years. It was cruel, the way some Blondies did not allow their pets to use it, Iason thought.
Pouring it onto his palm, he briskly lubricated himself, and with the excess sliding in his fingers, he slipped one digit into Riki's offered anus. Riki closed his eyes, turning his head to the side, biting his lip. Riki knew this, had experienced these feelings a thousand times before, but each time was unique, somehow. Each time was new. The digit disappeared, and he felt a heated hardness pressing against his hole. Iason's cock sunk into him, and letting out a moan, Riki let his head fall back, deep, into the pillows.
Iason kept an exhausting rhythm, a rocking cadence that in no time left Riki gripping on to Iason's arms and letting out soft shouts. His hands went down to his erection, frantically driving himself to completion. When Iason reached down, finding Riki's hands around his erection, he gently removed them, replacing them with his own. He stroke up and down the length, from the ring at the base to Riki's tip, causing Riki to go into a frenzy of gasps.
At last Riki could stand it no longer, and shouting, ejaculated, covering Iason's hand and his own stomach with strands of gray semen. As he slowly got his breath under control, Iason thrust twice more before orgasming, eyes closing, sighing with the pleasure.
They fell into the bed, and Iason took Riki once more into his arms, the atmosphere from before returning as they returned to breathing normally. Riki tried to recall his cries at the moment of ecstasy, and finding them, replayed them once again in his head. Storing the memory away in his mind, he settled himself on Iason's chest.
"Are you getting into trouble by keeping me?" Riki asked, relaxed and content now, though thoughts ran dimly, having been pushed away, in the back of his head.
"And who did you hear that from?" Iason asked bemused.
"You hear rumours everywhere" Riki said, "and I'm supposed to be *the* rare animal. I stand out like a sore thumb in Eos. I get looks from everywhere." Riki look down at his hands, settled languidly on the top of the comforter.
"So you are not truly concerned for me, then?"
Riki was silent at this, but soon spoke. "I am a little concerned... for both of us."
"As long as you are with me you will not be harmed," Iason replied. He paused as if thinking. Then, "I will make sure I am always with you."
Riki sighed, looking at the expanse of red bedding on the huge bed. This was his world, a small voice told him, but strangely the bitterness that usually came with such a thought did not come this time, and Riki didn't know why. Even so, he turned around and lay by Iason's side, purposefully shutting his eyes. Iason pulled the covers up around them, laying next to Riki, and fitted Riki's dark head under his own. He thought more and more of how different Riki was now, and when he slept, he dreamed of paradise.
When Riki awoke, Iason was gone. Riki was perplexed. Iason had stayed in the apartment all the time for the past three days. Perhaps, though, Riki rationalized, his holiday was up, and he had to return to work.
It was midday, and Riki was hungry, so he walked to the kitchen area, where Iason had prepared a brisk lunch for him, that he only had to warm a few seconds before he could eat. Having eaten his lunch, Riki took a batch of grapes and strolled through the apartment, at last sitting in a large chair at which he could see the windows, eating them one by one.
Had something changed since last night? Riki asked himself. Things were always changing, it seemed. In the tempest he lived in, it was impossible for things to remain as they were. But Riki wondered if these changes were good, and allowing himself to carefully probe at that question he had not dared think before, his answer was more and more leaning toward the affirmative.
He finished the grapes and the door to the apartment slid open, and Iason stepped in. He looked tired, Riki noted, and at once he went to him.
"Iason," Riki said, "did you have to work?"
"No," Iason said distractedly. His hand went to his temple and his eyebrows drew up in a painful expression. "Jupiter called me."
Riki was shocked. At once questions began forming in his head. What did Jupiter want? What did Jupiter say? What did Jupiter *do* to Iason that had him in this condition? But he did not voice any of his questions. Even if he should ask them, he did not think Iason would answer. Instead, in a remarkably steady voice, he asked Iason, "Are you afraid?"
Iason was stunned by his pet's boldness, yet somehow happy because of it, and because of this happiness, he said, "Yes."
"Then I'm here," Riki said, beginning to raise his arms.
Iason, recognizing the tender and tentative gesture, walked into his pet's arms, letting his pet hold him, and holding on to Riki. Things were different, he knew. He wasn't sure if he could live up to what he had told Riki while they were lying in bed together, that he would always stay by his side. But inside, Iason felt that it was enough, just knowing that Riki... what?
"I think..." Riki whispered, "I think I may just like you."
Yes, that.
The End