To thine own self
by Ainzfern
18
It was quite fascinating Raoul reflected later, at the end of the evening, how much communication, how much meaning, could be shared without using any actual words at all. This moment, for example, he mused; sitting comfortably on Katze's sofa in his pleasant and spacious apartment, just talking lightly with the red-head about all manner of general matters.
The conversation was almost a moot point in itself, a recap of information both of them already knew. But it was a mere vehicle, in a manner of speaking, a way of extending the evening without either one of them having to actually admit that they didn't want it to end quite yet.
"Raoul?" Katze said softly then, after a deep pause had entered the conversation. "Tahna Lam's attitude is still pretty prevalent across the Elite, isn't it?"
Feeling his brow creasing into a small frown, Raoul looked at him.
"Because of me," Katze explained sitting forward slightly, his eyes growing troubled. "A mongrel, I mean." He wet his lips, grimacing. "Because we're... we're friends."
Sighing softly, Raoul set the coffee his host had given him down on the table in front of the sofa. "I won't lie to you Katze," he murmured. "There is, indeed, a school of thought amongst the Elite that disapproves quite strongly of any move away from our traditional set behaviors."
"Oh." Katze averted his face, looking unhappily across the room.
"But, they are not the majority, I am pleased to say." Raoul leaned forward, his gaze steady and clear. "Remember that Iason would have had to receive a majority vote for his reforms to even be implemented, which he did. Most – Elites like Blaine Dal, for example – are content to look to their own affairs, making no comment about the issue either way. And, some few have even openly embraced the opportunities for personal and intellectual growth that the social reforms have offered."
Slowly, Katze smiled, turning back to look at him. "I'm glad to hear that," he replied. "I didn't really like the idea of trouble being dropped at your door because of me."
Raoul regarded the ex-Furniture with genuine fondness. "At this point, Katze," he said softly, "I don't think I'd be inclined to care even if it was."
Katze's eyes widened slightly.
Sighing, almost regretfully, Raoul slowly rose to his feet. "It is getting rather late, I note."
Also standing, Katze met his eyes with a searching gaze. "Yeah. I guess it is."
"Yes. Well." Raoul smoothed his sash-coat, setting his shoulders firmly. "Perhaps we could take lunch together tomorrow?"
"I'd like that," Katze expression seemed to grow vaguely disappointed.
Reaching out with one hand, Raoul stroked Katze's face with his own peculiarly affectionate gesture that had almost become instinctive by now, so often had he done it. As always, he felt a certain pang shoot through him, almost a gentle ache, when he observed Katze's leaning unconsciously into the touch.
"Well," he murmured again. "Goodnight, Katze." He turned, swiftly, striding to the door and reaching to opening it.
And then he stopped.
Staring blankly in front of him, an image filled Raoul's mind. As clearly as if it were laid out in front of his face he saw himself standing at a crossroads, a choice laid out before him. Down one path, he saw his past, his scientific and studious achievements, and his highly respected station in society, his wealth and his power, his enviable medical and technological department within to the Syndicate. A perfect Elite; distant and untouchable, remote and controlled, contained by willpower and the stern social order of his upbringing.
His life, himself, thus far... Strong and singular.
Magnificently self-contained.
Alone.
And on the other side, there was Katze. Perfectly imperfect. Warmth and companionship and all of those things that Raoul Am would never had thought he might yearn for, or even spare a thought to. Just a man, an ordinary and most extraordinary man, willing to gift affection upon him for no other reason than his heart compelled him to. Able to trust, to believe in hope, in spite of everything he had been through. There was no underlying plan in Katze's regard for him, Raoul knew. No false pretentions of fondness for the purpose of improving his station or gaining power.
Iason had told him it would come down to a choice.
Raoul Am made it.
And, when everything was at last considered, he was actually surprised at how simple it was to do.
Pulling in a deep breath, he let his hand fall away from the doorknob, set his broad shoulders, and turned around. Immediately, he met Katze's searching gaze. The ex-Furniture was simply standing by the sofa where Raoul had left him, very obviously watching the Elite intensely as Raoul had stilled while his internalized struggle had at last resolved itself.
Katze tensed slightly as Raoul walked towards him, the expression on his face, the look in his eyes clearly questioning.
Carefully, as if his very touch could bruise or break the mongrel in front of him, Raoul reached out and cupped Katze's face with both hands. He smiled, almost resignedly, as he looked down into those surprised golden eyes. His formidable mind considered several alternatives as they stood close together in this odd kind of stasis, from poetic, to logical, to even vaguely attempting negotiation.
But in the end, he settled on straightforward.
"Katze?" Raoul murmured, his eyes dropping to the red-head's parted lips.
"Yes?" Katze's still eyes seemed slightly startled, Raoul noted, but he certainly didn't look unhappy.
"I don't actually wish to leave."
His words hung there for a moment, between them. The silence expanded as Raoul held Katze's gaze, searching for some indication on how to proceed, some manner of reply to his simple statement and the unspoken question behind it. He received his answer, felt the tension leaving his shoulders, as Katze's expression softened, his gaze warming with genuine affection, and something else; a curiously intent look that seemed to confirm that Raoul was not the only one who had been drawn towards this moment.
Oddly, there was something about that knowledge that made Raoul suddenly feel considerably more confident in this matter.
"You're sure about this?" Katze asked him.
"Never have I been more certain about anything," Raoul replied, his voice filled with assurance.
With a slow smile curving his mouth Katze lifted one hand, gently sliding it around the back of Raoul's neck. "Then stay, Raoul," he said softly, calmly, drawing the Blondie's face down to his. "Stay."
"Ohhh, man..." Sprawled on their plush soft sofa, his shoes off and his socked feet resting for the moment in Iason's lap, Riki stretched hugely and vented a deeply contented sigh. "It's good to be home."
With a fondly tolerant look on his flawless face, Iason sipped the steaming tea that Dane had brought him before retiring for the night, and quirked a pale brow down at his supine lover. "Was tonight such a trial to you, Riki?"
Grinning up at him Riki slipped his hands comfortably behind his head. "Nah. Actually this one wasn't so bad." His smile softened slightly. "And it was good to be there, y'know, to see Raoul's project getting the respect it deserves... and I've gotta say, I loved the fact that he made a point of mentioning Katze's contribution."
Iason's pale eyes sparkled with slightly wicked mirth. "Ah... You found the sound of eighty-odd Elites all nearly swallowing their tongues amusing, did you?"
"Oh, hell yeah."
"Shameless," Iason remarked without rancor. Setting his tea down carefully on the low table, Iason sat back again, rubbing one hand idly back and forth along Riki's shins. "Riki," he said softly then, even somewhat hesitantly. "I was hoping I might ask a question of you."
Riki's suddenly serious dark eyes focused immediately on Iason's face. He sat up, shifting his feet off Iason's lap and looking intently at him. "Sure," he replied, nodding. "What's bothering you?"
"Katze," Iason answered his expression oddly cautious.
Noting the strange look, Riki frowned. "What about him?"
"I understand that I may be asking you to break a confidence here," Iason rested one long fingered hand on Riki's forearm, "But I would like to ask you... In your opinion, what are Katze's feelings towards Raoul?"
Riki bit his lip for a moment. Certainly, Katze had never actually asked him not to tell. But still... "Can I counter, first?" he asked instead.
With his rich mouth curving into a half smile, Iason nodded.
"Are you asking because you're worried about Raoul's feelings, here?"
"Yes."
Riki smirked lovingly at him, lifting one hand to tug gently as a thick lock of hair. "You big softy," he murmured, before taking a deep breath. "Okay," he said seriously, "I can honestly say that I believe Katze is so in love with your best pal that he can hardly see straight. Is that the answer you were hoping to hear?"
"It was indeed." Slowly, Iason smiled, moving across the sofa to push Riki down onto his back, covering the mongrel's body with his own. "And now that that particular issue is settled to my satisfaction..."
Wetting his lips, Riki grunted softly in delight when he felt the insistent hardness of Iason's erection pressing against his. He ground his hips upwards, watching the ripple of pained pleasure cross over Iason's face. "Yeah...?"
"Perhaps we might attend to a little 'relationship-building' of our own?"
Hooking one leg around Iason's strong back, even as he slipped a hand between their bodies to work open the fasteners of Iason's pants, Riki lifted his face and pressed his soft lips to his Blondie's with his usual level of enthusiasm. "I think we can do that," he whispered between deep wet kisses.
A sultry little purr right into his ear was the only reply Riki got as, with his customary fervor and attention to detail, Iason Mink got down to serious business.
It was so warm.
That was the thought that kept returning to Raoul Am through the dazed haze that literally filled his mind. So warm. Katze's skin, his mouth, the soft sheets that tangled around their legs, even the very air in Katze's dimly lit bedroom.
He'd had no idea that it would feel so wonderfully warm.
Kisses, as soft as whispers, trailed across his jaw. Katze's fingertips, gentle and inquisitive, moved here and there across his skin, leaving little shimmers of sensation in their wake. Reaching out, Raoul pulled the red-head closer to him, cupping his jaw and tilting it just so; so that he could cover those surprisingly soft lips with his own. Katze's mouth tasted of soft smoke and coffee, sweeter than he had expected and certainly more pleasant than he would have imagined. Raoul moaned quietly when he felt Katze's hands slip into his hair to hold him near, felt the lean body next to him shift slightly, one long leg hooking around the back of his thighs.
And just this; Raoul thought absently as he broke the kiss and nuzzled his way down the smooth satin skin of Katze's neck, smiling against the warmth of it when he felt Katze shiver, heard his soft gasp; just lying here, pressed skin against skin. So pleasing. Such a wealth of sensations was forming because of something so simple. It was almost comforting, in a way, whilst at the same time there was a sense of urgency, a need for greater contact, for completion. What astonished Raoul most of all was that it wasn't just physical. There was so much of his mind and heart invested in this moment that he actually felt quite vulnerable.
Such a strange, even shameful, thing for an Elite to admit.
At least, it would have been in times gone past.
But even that didn't matter. Raoul slid one hand down the length of Katze's sleek back, smoothing over hot damp skin. This was Katze. Katze was trusted, beyond any creature Raoul had ever known, even Iason. There was no shame here. There was no need for it. Thus, oddly tranquil, in spite of the rising sexual tension he could feel building inside of him, Raoul was content in this first moment of intimacy to follow both his instincts and Katze's lead; knowing, almost on a sub-conscious level, that they would take him where he needed to go.
Raoul had known the reaction of arousal before, of course. All Elites did. In times past, while observing exquisite Pets doing exactly what he himself was doing now, Raoul had felt the slow sullen heat awakening in his flesh. But, naturally, as any good Elite would do, he had controlled it, contained it. It had, in fact, been part of the whole enjoyment of the thing, knowing that his body was affected by the notion of sexual activity, yet being able to rise mentally above the physical drives, experiencing it from a cerebral point of view.
On the rare occasion when the sexual urge had been strong enough to warrant it, Raoul would efficiently, and without any undue fuss, attend to the matter himself in private. And, undeniably, the process of orgasm was pleasant and ultimately quite relaxing.
But this, right now with Katze, was not about a mere physical procedure.
This was about honest desire, desire for this man alone; for Katze. And it burned... it thrummed and sang in his blood. Even more than his own need to experience pleasure in this way, was his almost desperate yearning to give it to Katze. To see that long lean body trembling with ecstasy because of his touches, to hear Katze's voice, harsh and raw with indescribable joy, voicing his release in climax.
He was moving now, almost unconsciously, his pelvis rocking forward with a slow deep rhythm as he sought greater contact, a more intense stimulation. He grunted softly as he shifted, moving over Katze's body, his lean strong flanks held in cradle of Katze's thighs as the ex-Furniture moved with him, pushing up into each of Raoul's thrusts, a delightful deep friction being applied to the hot hard erections sliding against sweat slicked skin between their heaving bodies.
Slipping his arms under Katze's shoulders, Raoul cradled his head with both hands. He sighed his approval when he felt Katze's hands drift down to close over the firm flexing muscles of his ass, urging him closer, guiding his movements. He lowered his head, kissing Katze deeply, copying the tickling sensual slide of Katze's tongue with his own, drinking deeply from that warm wet mouth so generously open under his.
He felt the sweet searing pleasure beginning to build in earnest, filling his lower belly and his groin with a tightening heat. He broke their kiss again; pulling back slightly to look into Katze's dazed golden eyes, watching as the mongrel in his arms began to pant deeply, shudders running through his body as it committed itself to orgasm. It was the most extraordinary thing, he found himself thinking with something bordering close to wonder. The feeling... the sheer intensity of the feeling, was unlike anything Raoul had ever known, and he understood, without even having to consciously acknowledge it, that it was not just because he was actively participating in an act that once he would only have observed, it was because he was participating in this act with Katze.
He'd never imagined that his own body could race away from him like this, that there would be a point where stopping simply became utterly unthinkable. He'd never imagined that seeing someone else's pleasure from such a close and intimate perspective could fill him with intensely erotic satisfaction. "That's it," he whispered, urging Katze on, his voice ragged and harsh with his own rapidly approaching peak. "Oh, that's it, Katze. You're right there..."
Almost as if Raoul's very words were the final touch needed to tip him over, Katze drew in a great breath, his body tensing, arching, those lean hips spasming upwards in a stuttering helpless rhythm as wet heat pulsed out of his twitching cock to anoint their skin. His face twisted into a transparently defenseless expression of fulfillment as he clutched at Raoul's strong back and cried out his name, his dazed eyes filled with pleasure and relief.
He was beautiful, Raoul found himself thinking with absolute sincerity.
Katze was beautiful like this.
That was his final cognitive thought for the moment as, with a deep soft groan that seemed to be torn from his very soul, Raoul felt his splintering control literally ripped away. A sharp surge of sweet white heat raged through his stomach, flashing through his thighs and belly, pooling with almost painful intensity into his groin. He felt his balls lift and tighten, that agonized moment on the cusp of ecstasy stilling him for an instant, and then he came. With a great sigh of release, he thrust rapidly through the pinnacle, spilling his own essence into the space between their bodies, his torso straining upwards as he shivered though the exquisite bliss of his climax.
He became aware after a few moments that gentle hands were moving over him, stroking the damp hair back from his face, running soothingly up and down his spine. Feeling fully sated and somehow more physically drained than he'd ever known was possible, Raoul heaved his weight off of Katze, where he had simply collapsed moments before. Supporting himself on his elbows, he looked down almost solemnly into Katze's clear and steady gaze.
After a second or so, Katze's kiss bruised mouth curved into a slow smile. "So... you okay?"
Raoul chuckled weakly. "Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"
"No," Katze's brow quirked and he shook his head a little. His eyes softened as he reached up to touch Raoul's face, tracing the line of this jaw, smoothing over his brow. "I don't ever remember it being like that before."
"Being like what, exactly?" Raoul tilted his face into Katze's touch, his own hand lifting to push a few sweat soaked strands of hair of Katze's forehead.
Katze swallowed, his smile growing slightly shaky. "Good," he replied simply.
Raoul gazed sadly at him for a moment, before rolling to one side, pulling Katze in to his body and cradling him close, utterly uncaring of the slickness covering their bellies. He pressed his lips to Katze's cooling brow for a moment, his heart feeling strangely sore from Katze's soft admission. "There are so many things I regret in my life, Katze," he murmured against smooth damp skin.
He felt Katze grow very still in his arms. "Oh?"
Raoul pulled back and looked down into Katze's face, waiting until the red-head lifted his eyes to meet his. He smiled, his flawless Elite features softened with warmth and affection. "This is not one of them."
Katze chuckled, relaxing once more. "I'm glad... and you liked it?"
Raoul laid his head down on the pillow, positioning Katze comfortably in the crook of his shoulder. "Very much." He threaded his fingers into Katze's hair, massaging his scalp gently, smiling when he felt Katze's fingers stroking soothingly back and forth over the skin of his shoulder. "It surprised me, in point of fact, by how different the experience felt from what I had expected."
Katze peered up at him, one brow arched. "You were analyzing it?" he asked, his tone speaking volumes.
Raoul shrugged unrepentantly. "I'm an analytical creature, Katze."
"That's true, I guess." Katze muffled a yawn, settling down a little more against Raoul's body. "So, what was so different?"
"The emotional connection, I believe," Raoul gazed up at the ceiling, a thoughtful frown forming on his brow. "I can now understand why the act is so fondly referred to in the more romantic vernacular as 'love-making'. It genuinely seems to me, to be a definitive expression of that particular affection."
After a moment of deep silence, Katze slowly shifted, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at Raoul's face with an odd little gleam in his eyes. "When it's at its best," he said almost carefully, "then that's what it's supposed to feel like."
"Well, that is pleasing, then."
Katze snorted softly, a wry grin touching his lips. "And you have the strangest way of saying that you love me."
Raoul smiled blandly up at him. "I would like to just point out that I did say it, Katze, however convoluted the manner."
Giving in, Katze heaved a good naturedly long suffering sigh and lay back down, sliding one arm across Raoul's chest. "Well, just for the record... I feel the same."
Raoul closed his eyes for a moment, profound relief washing through him as he tightened his arms about Katze's body. "This is also pleasing."
They lay quietly, in comfortable silence for a while, touching gently here and there as their skin cooled and their heart rates returned to normal. After a few more moments had passed Raoul found himself pulled gently out of the light doze he had slipped into when Katze spoke softly, his voice full of humor and fondness. "So... do you think you might like to 'definitively express your affection' again?"
Raoul's deep chuckle filled the room. He rolled over onto Katze once more, easing a powerful thigh in between the red-head's legs. "Are you hinting that you're insatiable, Katze?"
"Maybe... This is, after all, pretty new equipment I'm using."
"Vast possibilities lie open before me, I see," Raoul stroked a hand down Katze's warm side, grinning as the slighter man shivered at the touch.
"Think you can keep up, Blondie?" Katze grinned up at him.
"Oh, I suspect that I can." Raoul leaned down and kissed the hollow at the base of Katze's neck. "Katze?" he whispered against the smooth skin.
"Hmm?" Katze's hands had made their way back into his hair again.
"Purely from a scientific viewpoint of course..."
"Yeah?"
Raoul rose up once more, mischief in his eyes. "How many times do you think it would be possible for a mongrel to climax in one night?"
"Uhm..." Katze's eyes widened slightly. "I, uh... have no idea."
Raoul felt his smile become predatory. "Perhaps you would care to find out?"
Katze swallowed hard as he considered it.
Briefly.
"Okay."
With a wicked and delightfully unfettered chuckle, Raoul descended once more, fully intent on testing this particular theory to its absolute limit.
To thine own self – chapter 17 << >> To thine own self – chapter 19