The journey itself, is freedom
by Ainzfern
5
High above the clamor and noise of the city far below, Esra rested his elbows on the low sun-warmed wall that surrounded Iason and Riki's penthouse balcony. "Amazing view," he murmured, his soft eyes wide with wonder, gazing out across the magnificent vista of Tanagura.
Peripherally, he noted Riki leaning against the wall beside him, arms crossed comfortably over his chest. "Yeah it is, isn't?" the mongrel huffed a soft chuckle, a deep and most pleasant sound to Esra's ears. "Sometimes," he continued, "I have to actually remind myself to stop and take a look once and a while."
Arching a fine brow in a silent question, Esra glanced over at him.
Nodding, Riki grinned and shrugged. "Ah... I get busy. Y'know. It's life. You forget, sometimes, just to take a little time. To appreciate the shit that matters."
"Like a peaceful view," Esra turned back to face the panorama below him once more, his gentle voice lowering to mere murmur, "like sunlight or the sweetness of the night air."
A few feet behind them, Katze was seated comfortably on one of the chairs placed here and there about the balcony. "You've got a poet's soul there, Esra," he noted quietly, stubbing out his apparently ever-present cigarette into the ashtray set in the middle of the small table beside him.
"You think so?" Esra smiled slightly, he turned back again, leaning his rump against the wall and meeting Katze's warm gaze. "Laron tells me that too. He says I have a 'gift for simplicity'." He felt his expression grow slightly bashful. "I haven't actually told him yet that I have no idea what he means."
Riki snorted in amusement, even as Katze chuckled softly, nodding his agreement with Esra's comment.
"Hell, you're not alone there," Riki's tone was dry yet good humored enough. "There are still days when Iason gets so damned abstract about stuff that I wonder if he's not speaking a foreign language."
Esra laughed softly, amused by Riki's turn of phrase. He had to admit, he was having a most enjoyable time. Not only was he fortunate enough to have scored a peek inside the beautiful home of the leader of the Tanagura Syndicate, but he been secretly thrilled to be able to see Dane again, the young man who now worked for Iason having been a Furniture for Laron Tak some time ago, back when Esra was still quite young.
Dane had remembered him and even greeted him fondly, which had been a very nice feeling.
Plus, Esra had also been pleased to discover that his hosts were genuinely charming and seemed quite sincere in their offer of friendship. And to think, Esra mused almost absently, that other Pets had always told him that mongrels were graceless and stupid.
But Katze and Riki were anything but, Esra could see. It seemed he was re-learning all kinds of preconceptions this morning.
"What are they really like?" Esra asked suddenly, looking from Katze to Riki and back again, interest reflecting from his large eyes. "Your Companions, I mean." He paused and flushed suddenly, realizing how that must sound. "I... I'm sorry," he shook his head, "I don't mean to be nosy at all. I'm just wondering if, well..."
Katze chuckled tolerantly. "If ours are anything like yours, maybe?"
Still feeling heat across his cheeks, Esra nodded.
The redhead turned to Riki, his oddly golden eyes twinkling. "Well? You've got the top dog, Riki," he said lightly, "why don't you start?"
"Okay," Riki nodded with the air of man accepting a challenge. "Fine. No problem." He looked at Esra thoughtfully for a moment, before pulling in a breath. "Warm," he answered at length. "Introspective. Funnier than I would have originally imagined. Gentle. He doesn't sleep all that well unless some part of his body is touching me." The mongrel's smile grew very soft. "He's a cuddler. His public persona is very, very different to the man I know. I guess that's the gist of what I'm saying."
"Hmm," Esra stared at his feet for a moment. "Just like Laron. All of his Elite colleagues know how serious and solemn his is. How he's reliable and strongly focused on his goals... but with me, he relaxes. He laughs."
Riki's grin widened. "Nice, isn't it?"
"Yes."
Riki looked over expectantly at Katze, pointedly raising one dark eyebrow.
Lifting his broad shoulders, Katze nodded. "Passionate," he murmured. "It's a powerful contrast to the way he conducts himself in his public role, but Raoul's the most affectionate person I have ever known in my life. He's exquisitely cultured, so damned urbane and yet, his sense of humor can be downright silly. I really love that about him."
For some reason, as Esra relaxed, shifting to a slightly more comfortable position he felt a genuine wave of satisfaction wash through him. He really wasn't alone. People like Katze and Riki, and any number of ex-Pets; they had all been where Esra was right now. Getting used to their new roles. Getting to, in essence, know their Companions properly for the first time, even though they might have been owned by them for years. And he did understand now, that the loss of his identity as the Pet he had been was the price to be paid for this new life.
And pay it he would, quite gladly.
He had to admit, though, this morning's little episode had still upset him. He wasn't tough or clever like Riki was, or street-smart and hyper-intelligent like Katze. Esra was untested by the harsher realities of life in many ways, having been protected from much of it by the Elite who loved him; who had, it seemed, always loved him. Sash's nasty words had cut him, and the older Pet's deliberate interference with his and Pia's farewell had honestly hurt.
Particularly so since Esra had never done anything to make Sash so vindictive towards him.
"You didn't have to do anything, Esra," Riki told him quietly. "You just had to be."
Esra's head snapped upwards and he stared into Riki's kind eyes, mildly dismayed to realize that he had actually spoken his last few thoughts aloud. "I'm sorry," to Esra's additional frustration, the wretched blush returned once more, heating the smooth skin of his cheeks. "I didn't actually mean to say those things."
"No, it's all right." Riki scooted his butt backwards up onto the balcony wall, perching casually there, one arm hanging loosely over his propped up knee while, over at his table, Katze lit another cigarette and looked on with interest. "As a matter of fact, I'm kinda glad you put it out there. Because then you've got a chance of putting it into perspective."
Esra stared at him.
Riki sat forward a little, his expression serious. "Listen, I know that your Pet buddy – what was his name? Sash?" Riki paused and raised a brow, smiling briefly when Esra nodded, "... said some pretty shitty things to you back there, but you can take a hell of a lot of the sting out of that if you consider what's really behind it."
"I assumed he was jealous of me," Esra tilted his head to one side, peering closely at Riki's expression; trying to gauge what else the mongrel was trying to tell him.
"Well, sure he is," Riki agreed, leaning back on his hands a little and crossing his legs at the ankles. "In fact, I'm willing to bet that he's so fuckin' jealous of you that it's like acid filling his guts. But..." Riki lowered his voice a little, his demeanor becoming more somber, "tell me something. What was your biggest fear when you were a Pet? What did you have to live with hanging over your head every damned day?"
Esra swallowed hard. "That, uhm... that Laron would get tired of me. That I would be told to leave."
"Right," Riki held Esra's eyes, nodding slowly. "See, my situation was very different to yours," Riki shared a brief glance with Katze, both men's gazes filled with shared understanding and empathy. Esra noticed that Katze gently smiled at the dark haired mongrel, almost as if encouraging him to continue, which – with a deep breath – Riki did, "I was kept as a Pet, but I wasn't born one. Being a Pet was never the only thing in my life, or my only option. There were other things I knew how to do, other places that I could have gone." He smiled bleakly. "The fact that I chose not to, well... that's another story. What I'm trying to say here, Esra, is that being a Pet, specifically the kind of Pet that his master wants to keep, is all Sash knows how to do. Your good fortune, the fact that Laron Tak fell in love with you, does more than just make him jealous." Riki's face grew almost sorrowful. "It hurts him. Deeply. And there is nothing that he can do about that pain."
Esra blinked in surprise, understanding beginning to rise within him. "I never thought of that," he confessed softly.
"Every time a Pet is upgraded to a Companion around him, it just serves to underscore the utter tenuousness of his situation," Katze added in his deep soft voice. His pale face was deeply thoughtful as he spoke. "I mean, judging from the look of him, I'm guessing he's a little older than you, too?"
"Yes. He's nineteen."
Katze grunted a soft affirmation. "So, his time is running out," those striking eyes flicked up to Esra, "and he'll know that, even if he'll never say it out loud. My guess, Esra, is that Sash is constantly scared now. Terrified that every new day is going to turn out to be the last one as his master's Pet and, yeah, he might well be a bitchy little bastard, but I've got to admit, it's easier to feel sorry for him when you think about how much harder it's going to be for him to adjust to world where suddenly no-one will tolerate the prima-donna act anymore."
Esra was silent for a long moment, thinking back over what both Riki and Katze had just said to him. He had to admit, they both had a very good point. And, realizing the truth of that, Esra actually felt much of the power of Sash's spiteful words draining away, simply no longer having the ability to wound him.
"You're right," Esra murmured, looking over at Riki. "I do feel sorry for him when you put it like that."
"It's a better head-space, Esra," Riki said seriously. "You got all the good stuff, remember. Concentrate on that."
Smiling, genuinely feeling lucky to have met both of these interesting and, from his perspective, incredibly astute men, Esra had to agree.
Good stuff indeed.
"... And, as you can see," seated at his small dining table opposite the dark-haired mongrel who had once been his nemesis and was now, literally, his savior, Enif angled his laptop a little more towards Riki so that he could appraise the report entry even as Enif continued with the verbal update, "we got two more Ceres residents in this batch as well."
"Hmm," Riki eyes quickly scanned the remaining report, his fingers almost absently rising to rub at the back of his neck. "Numbers there seem to be going up a little, yeah?"
Enif nodded. "Steadily rising, yes." He keyed in a brief instruction to display a data list for Riki's perusal. "In the last twelve to eighteen months, particularly following the initial conscription of displaced Pets that was done by Sir Iason's security men, numbers of ex-Pets have been gradually dropping and appear to have bottomed out here," he pointed at the screen. "So currently, there might be a tiny fluctuation of one or two souls per month, but on the whole, I'm seeing no more than twenty five ex-Pets transporting through to Hepstra on any given month."
"Which is a good thing, I guess," Riki mused. "I mean its proof positive that the regulatory compliance laws around Pets have been successful if you're now seeing a significant drop in the number of throwaways."
"True," Enif nodded, carefully resaving the report before shutting his laptop down and sitting back. "Plus the total numbers are still continuing to hold steady, even with that drop, due to the increased amount of Ceres residents taking Hepstra as a viable option for their futures."
"So... reasonably good news all around," Riki grinned tightly at the ex-Pet. "Any other business you want to discuss?"
"Not from my end, no. I just need to transmit this report through to Chey once we're done here and that's it for the month." Enif smiled tiredly, eager to finish up the 'official' part of the meeting and address the matter that had really been on his mind the whole time. "You?"
"Actually, yeah," Riki pulled a folded piece of paper out of his jacket pocket and handed it over. "I came across another Pet in Eos that's over the age of nineteen. Thought you might like to add his household's Furniture to your list of contacts for the week."
"Thanks," Enif glanced perfunctorily down at the neatly written information.
...And froze, his eyes widening, his face blanching in shock.
The Pet's owner, the name of this young man's master, had sent a surge of something that was almost, but not quite, like horror rocketing through Enif's entire body.
"Holy shit," Enif vaguely heard Riki's concerned voice. "Enif... Enif, you okay, man?"
As a warm hand closed over his shoulder, Enif shook himself and pulled in deep breath, struggling to regain his composure. "I'm... I'm okay," he managed to rasp out through an oddly dry throat. "It's just, the Pet's master..." he trailed off, holding the paper out to Riki.
Looking down at it, Riki's expression changed, realization obviously hitting him. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. It didn't even fuckin' click with me. Kyle Li used to be your owner, didn't he?"
"Yeah," Enif whispered, his body trembling, his hands clenching into fists, white knuckled and shaking. "Yeah, he was."
"Look, man," Gently, Riki took the paper back from him. "I'll contact this one myself, okay? You don't have to do this."
Enif closed his eyes, pulling in one more deep and cleansing breath. Slowly, he opened his eyes again and quite deliberately reached out to take the paper back from Riki.
The mongrel stared at him, stilled, waiting.
"No," Enif met his gaze. "No. I'll do it, Riki." He managed a shaky smile. "I guess it really was only a matter of time before I had to make one of these calls. I mean, taking into account how often Master Kyle used to upgrade his Pets, I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now."
Riki winced sympathetically. Just barely, but Enif could see it there.
Enif shrugged. "I'm guessing any Pets over the last year or so that he got rid of must have been amongst the regular drop-offs that I get."
"You still get those?"
"Yeah," Enif relaxed again with conscious effort. "Every few weeks I'll find one or two ex-Pets, just sitting outside the space port entrance. No idea what to do. Just dumped there."
Riki shook his head sadly. "And you know the saddest fuckin' thing about that?"
Enif looked questioningly at him.
"That it's actually an improvement," Riki's smile was bleak. He grew even more serious, holding Enif's eyes levelly. "Are you sure you can handle this one?" he asked softly, glancing at the note in the ex-Pet's hand.
"I'm sure," Enif tucked the paper carefully into the diary resting next to his lap-top. "I'll only be speaking to the household Furniture, anyway. Chances are, he won't even recognize my voice."
"All right... well you know your own limits best, I guess," Riki's eyes narrowed shrewdly.
Enif nodded. "Thank you."
"It's cool." Riki paused then, looking slightly discomfited before lifting his chin decisively. "Actually, Enif, talking about personal limits..." he began in an oddly careful tone.
Enif gave him a mildly wary sideways look. "Yeah?"
"Fuck it," Riki muttered. He pulled a little face and threw his hands up. "Look. I'm just gonna say this to you straight out, okay?"
Perplexed, Enif shrugged. "Okay."
"Having every second meeting at my apartment," Riki faced him squarely, his dark eyed gaze steady, "it's not working for you, is it?"
Enif stilled for a moment before venting a quiet sigh. He didn't have to ask for clarification. He knew exactly what Riki was alluding to. "Actually," he murmured, his tone profoundly thought filled, "I was going to talk to you about that myself."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Enif smiled briefly, sadly. "Please don't take this the wrong way, because honestly, you and Sir Iason have done nothing but go out of your way to make me feel welcome when I visit your penthouse. And, it's never been a problem for me to go directly from the basement parking lot to the lift and bypass the lobby area." He sighed again, lifting his hands helplessly. "But... I just... it's him, Riki. It's Sir Iason. It's the fact that he's an Elite. I mean he's practically the Elite, if you know what I mean."
Riki frowned, clearly struggling with it. "I think I get you," he murmured, gesturing for Enif to continue.
"The thing is, I don't want you stuck with having to always come out here." Enif set his jaw firmly, lifting his chin. "That's not really an equal deal between us, is it? But you're right, I'm not really over certain... God," he trailed off and frowned at the table for a moment, "well, I guess you'd call them 'triggers' – when it comes to being around Elites."
"So how do we make it better?"
"Well, can we just change the times?" Enif grinned tightly. "Can we have our meetings when Sir Iason isn't there?"
Riki stared at him for a moment before huffing a dry chuckle and shaking his head. "Now, why the fuck didn't I think of that before? Sorry man."
Enif waved a hand at him. "Too simple, maybe?"
"Maybe," Riki leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he appraised Enif with surprising fondness in his expression. "Okay, so that's a good logistical solution, but what about you? What can we do to help you get a handle on these 'triggers' of yours?"
"Well... funnily enough, Riki," Enif smiled softly, absently lifting his hand to stroke his fingers over the scar above his brow, "just the job I'm doing seems to be helping. Dealing with the ex-Pets, helping them get it all into some kind of perspective, that rubs off on me too, y'know?" He shrugged again. "That, and time, I think."
Riki sat back for a moment, a deeply reflective look upon his handsome face.
Seeing it, Enif felt a frown crease his brow. "What?" he asked softly. "What is it?"
Slowly, Riki smiled at him, almost wryly. "Oh, I was just thinking... we've come a hell of long way, haven't we?"
Relaxing again, Enif smiled back at him. "Oh yeah." He grew serious then, even somber, drawing in a slow breath and meeting Riki's eyes gravely. "You saved my life the day you came and got me out of that factory, you know. I don't... I really don't think I had too much time left in me, there."
"It was that bad?" Riki asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, it was that bad."
"I'm sorry."
Enif nodded again feeling echoes of pain, of memories of darker times, washing through him. "Riki... there's something else that I wanted to talk to you about today, too. Something personal."
"Okay," Riki leaned towards him again. "Okay, sure. What is it?"
"In the factory," Enif began hesitantly, "I had a... a friend."
"I see."
"An ex-Pet like me," Enif paused, waiting for Riki to nod his understanding before continuing. "His name was Dian, and he was... he was lovely." Enif's full mouth curved into a soft smile and, for a moment, he was beautiful again, his face holding the luminous echoes of the perfection of his youth. "He was warm and sweet and he made life bearable. We looked after each other."
"What happened?"
Enif closed his eyes, "Maxx, the plant manager—"
"That nasty old fucker," Riki muttered.
"Yeah," Enif nodded. "Yeah... he found out about us. He must have seen us together or, I don't know, maybe one of the other workers told on us. Anyway, he and some of his boys... they took Dian away. They just marched down onto the main floor and started to drag him out." He swallowed hard, moisture burning behind his eyes for a moment before he was able to blink it back. "I tried to stop them," he laughed, but it was brittle and hurt little sound, with no humor in it. "I tried to keep a hold of him. But Maxx beat me unconscious and when I woke up again, I had a gash over my eye that healed into this," he touched his fingers to the scar once more, "and Dian was gone."
"Oh, man," Riki whispered, shaking his head. He ran one hand over his face in an agitated swipe. "All right... okay, when did this happen?"
"About three months before you and Katze came and got me out." Enif wet his lips, staring with almost pleading eyes at Riki's face. "I've tried to find out what happened to him, but I just don't have the resources, or the connections, to get any information. I was hoping, Riki, that you might be able to help me."
"Hell yeah, of course I will, but," Riki hesitated, "Enif, have you considered the reality of the fact that if Dian didn't make it onto the initial lists for Hepstra that he's probably..." he trailed off awkwardly.
"Dead?" Enif nodded, even as Riki winced again. "Yes, I've considered it. In fact, it's logical to assume that Dian's probably been dead for a long time."
"But..." Enif's smile, wan and weary, returned once more. "But... I also still have hope. Small hope it may be, but it's still there; the idea that just possibly, he got overlooked. That he's still out there, somewhere. That he's waiting for me. Either way, I have to know for sure."
Rising to his feet, Riki reached over and clasped Enif's shoulder for a brief moment. "I promise you, man," he said softly, "I'll do whatever I can to find out for you, okay?"
Enif nodded up at him, accepting his word without question. "Okay."
"I've got to get going, but if I find out anything between now and our next meeting, I'll let you know."
Enif rose to his feet as well, walking Riki to the front door of his apartment. "I appreciate this, Riki, I really do."
With once last nod, Riki clapped him gently on the back by way of farewell before stepping out into the rapidly fading afternoon. Enif closed the door behind him and, a moment later, he heard the growl of a powerful engine as Riki kicked over his hover-bike and tore off at high speed out of the space port and down the adjacent roadway.
Shaking his head, Enif paused in the middle of his living area, his eyes growing wide and almost vacant as he stared into nothingness for a few minutes, all manner of thoughts and unformed hopes whirling though his head. At length, he shook himself, smirking at his own foolishness.
Enough.
He had asked for Riki's help, just as he had promised himself he would do. He now had to leave the matter in the mongrel's capable hands.
He just had to wait. But in the meantime...
Moving over to this small table once more, Enif reached down and opened his diary, carefully sliding out the piece of paper that Riki had handed to him. Staring at it, Enif snorted gracelessly and released his breath on a slow and somnolent sigh.
In the meantime, he still had work to do.
The journey itself... – chapter 4 << >> The journey itself... – chapter 6